Disclaimer: All characters are fictional. All opinions
are inspired from reality. Any mismatch between fiction and reality is the
responsibility of the reader.
Once upon a time, there lived a person
seeking spiritual enlightenment.
Just like always, let us just call him X.
X’s lifelong desire was to meet god.
This is the story of his appointment with
God on 94 CE 07:03 PM in the calendar of the spirits.
NOTE: God’s Mark sheets are attached within
the story in [CATEGORY=MARKS]
………………………………………………….
Once Upon a Time, in Nasik
X was pursuing his course B.Sp (Bachelor of
Spirituality) with great vigor and greater grades under an enlightened master Sri.
<Insert Variable Name of your choice>,
in the Nasik School of Human Consciousness Studies.
Owing to his outstanding performance in the
course, X was eligible to apply for an internship in God’s workplace to have a hands-on
experience on the workings of Spiritualism. And Sri. < Variable Name> agreed to personally
suggest X’s name for the highly coveted internship opportunity. The
recommendation (with attached employment bond for 1 Yuga) must be written on a postcard with an eight Anna Stamp (preferably with the Lord’s face),
and had to be duly signed and posted by the student to be accepted in God’s
admissions office. All official communications with God can be done only
through the post office. It was part of the formal application procedure.
“I am glad to receive a recommendation from
the highly revered master himself. I am sure your letter will get me a position
in God’s workplace Sir” said X on receiving the recommendation postcard.
“It will, beta. In the meantime, complete
the technical paper that we have been working on.”
“Sure Sir. I am proofreading the paper.
Will meet you when it is done” said X before leaving. Truth be told, he didn’t have the slightest notion of meeting his
master ever again.
X’s best friend, (lets call him Y) had also
applied for the internship, and they met at the post office for mailing the
letters to God’s admission office. It was a long queue and the perfect scenario
for friends to make small talk on their application status.
“Has your master given you a strong
recommendation?” asked Y.
“He has. For all the favors I have done
him, he owes me at least this strong reco.” said X.
“Great, then. My master has signed me a
blank letter asking me to fill it up with favorable adjectives. Show me your
letter. I will get an idea” said Y.
“No
No NO. The contents of this letter are confidential. My master asked me not
to open it ever.” His master had never said such a thing. He
just secretly hoped his friend wouldn’t make it to the internship. Competition was his excuse for not helping.
Y was flabbergasted. He knew this would be
the reaction, but he had to try. He
quickly changed the topic to avoid any further awkwardness.
“How is the technical paper with your
master turning up?” Y asked.
“I have not even typed a word” promptly came
the reply.
“But why? It was your master’s pet
project.” The queue was moving up.
“Pet project, my foot. ‘Matrix
computations of the humane aspects on distinguishing deep sleep and dream
states’ is his title. It isn’t a great research area. I was just
nodding along, to get this reco letter” X said, while signing the postcard with
his thumb impression and submitting it to the postmaster.
“So what’s your plan after this?” Y asked
after finishing his own application procedure.
“I will have to receive the visa to reach
God’s office once my application is processed. I have to prepare for the
appointment” said X.
“I pray for you to get selected. But what
if your applications is rejected?” asked Y.
X was visibly annoyed at that remark but
continued “I have backup plans. I have applied for Research Intern at ‘Persian school of Atheism studies’ and a
Job Position at ‘International Pottery Factory’. If nothing else, I would stick
on to doing M.Sp( Master of Spirituality) somewhere.”
“But they are all so unrelated!” The
thought crossed Y’s mind. But instead, he said Good luck and left the place. Because sometimes, keeping your thoughts to
yourself can avoid so much more trouble.
……………………………………………
Three weeks later, in NSHCS Hostel Room
“Hey, you are going downstairs to get tea
no? Bring me some tea in this cup please. I am going to bath, that’s why!” X
requested his roommate Y. He is kind when he is asking for favors.
X came out after the bath and wore his
spiritual symbols, chanting God’s name, drinking tea and solving Sudoku all at
once. Y was busy studying for the upcoming final examinations.
“Hey, one help” asked Y.
“I am kind of busy here” replied X. Busy drinking tea that his friend had just
bought him.
“It won’t take much time. Can you explain
this problem? I have trouble solving it.” Y said.
“What’s the problem?” X fumed. He
is also arrogantly rude when it comes to returning a favor.
“This problem involving equations for distinguishing
Reality and Imagination using Variables I (Intellect), M (Mind) and S (Senses)
gives an indeterminate solution.”
“It’s a straightforward problem. You can’t
even understand this and you are doing B.Sp! What a shame!” X commented while
simultaneously scribbling the solution in his note.
“I understand this is the textbook method
of solving the problem. But it assumes
that my Reality R1 is the same as your Reality R2. Isn’t that wrong,
scientifically?”
X looked down upon him. “You are making the
problem more complex than it is.”
“But, it is complex. It has fundamentally
wrong assumptions”
X was annoyed. “You have lesser CGPA than
me and you are doing philosophical research in this subject. Just apply this
formula and pass the spirituality test. This is not complex.”
“You are wrong, you know. It is complex”
“What complex?”
“It is your superiority complex. And it can
never be solved. Thanks for the help anyway” Y shut the door angrily
before leaving.
X nonchalantly opened his mailbox to have
received a letter which read, “Dear Mr.X, Congratulations! Based on your spiritual profile and
respectable recommendations, you are granted an appointment with our CEO, the
venerable God on 94, 07:03 PM to finalize your internship opportunity. The
candidate’s transport and accommodation charges will be refunded on production
of proper bills. Have a nice appointment!”
He was elated. “I am meeting God. I deserve
to have a superiority complex” he thought.
……………………………………………………………..
94 CE 07:03 PM, in God’s workplace
X was excited. It is not everyday that a
person gets to meet God. He was waiting in the reception room alone. There was
a huge door locked from the inside. ‘God’s cabin is huge. God is living life
king size’, he thought. An assistant
came inside the reception and set up a specially designed audio-set for X to
communicate with God. “Our CEO, The Venerable God, will commence talking to you
in 5 nimishas. Speak and listen only from the audio-set. Have a nice
appointment” she said before leaving the room.
Only 1
out of 10000 applicants get this rare opportunity. X decided he had to be
extremely competitive to let God decide that he deserved to be in that
internship.
A
loud thundering voice came from inside the cabin. It had begun.
“Hey buddy, how are you?” asked the voice.
“I am doing great, my Lord! Why don’t you
open the door so I can have a look at you?” X asked.
[CURIOSITY=100]
“You can’t see me with those eyes. And I
have no intention of letting unprepared
people to look me in the eye and talk to me.”
“I have been preparing myself for this
appointment, all my life, my Lord. I am not unprepared!”
“Is
that so?”
“Yes, Venerable Master” [CONFIDENCE=100]
“I see. But I have been receiving regrets
and complaints about you.”
“May I know who that is?”
“No.No.NO. That is God-Devotee privilege. I
do not break confidentiality. So, you tell me. Whom do you think can possibly
have complaints about you?”
“Everybody Complains. This is a sick,
greedy, unsatisfied world, my Lord.” [CONTENTMENT= 0]
“How different are you?”
“I am detached. I am perfect with my work.
I have supremely high Spiritual Grades. I am superiorly intelligent than anyone
else in this world. Except the Lord, maybe” [MODESTY=-100]
“How humble of you to tell that!” X could sense the sarcasm in God’s voice.
“And you have achieved all this, by
yourself?” asked the voice.
“Except humanely needs which are very
trivial, all my intellectual achievements were the fruits of my own efforts. I
am a self-made spiritual person. And I can learn a lot more in your workplace.”
[GRATITUDE=-100]
“I just got the feeling from your answers
that you were a know-it-all. “
“I will be, after this internship”, he
smiled with pride.
“So, have you practiced what you have
studied? How spiritual are you?”
“I am clean: I bath 3 times everyday. I am
self-controlled: I eat only one meal per day. I wear all the symbols prescribed
in the scriptures, reciting your thousand names millions of times every
fortnight.” [PROCEDURE: 100]
“You have had good habits. Full marks for
that. But, that is not being spiritual.”
“If that is not being Spiritual, then I
don’t know what is.”
“I will tell you what is. Your friend,
Mr.Y, made a sincere prayer to me, for you to be selected. Infact, it was for
him, that I selected you. He prayed for someone with no expectations in return.
Have you ever done anything for other’s sake? ”
“Yes I have” [HONESTY= -100]
“FYI, I am God. I know when you are lying”
“Okay, I haven’t. But what is wrong in
that? I concentrate on improving myself”
[*REVISED HONESTY=0]
“Don’t you want to improve the world? Help a struggling soul?”
“It is not humanely possible. People can
help only themselves.” [ALTRUISM=0]
“Are you a social person?”
“Not so much. I like to keep to myself”
“Do you know why you don’t have many
friends?”
“Intellectuals are lonely” [FRIENDLINESS=
-100]
“Maybe. But people do not mingle with you,
not because you are an intellectual or an ambitious geek. They do not mingle
with you, because you are a selfish asshole”
“Excuse me?”
“You had ONE Friend; And you never helped
him. Instead, you only used him. I know what you are. You are a fake profile.”
“Meaning?”
“This is not who you are on the inside. It
is just how you wish to be perceived on the outside. Maybe it builds to your
image you have conjured up for yourself. But this isn’t you. The real transformation
should happen on the inside which
evidently hasn’t.”
“But I want
to be a spiritual person. It is my life’s goal”
“The first step to being a spiritual person
is to become a fine human being. Until you become one, I command you to
walk this Penrose Staircase forever” [TOTAL=0]
“Why don’t you send me to hell instead?”
“Hell is for people who are sorry for
whatever bad things they did. Not meant for people like you.”
“Dear God, punish me all you want. I agree I
have built a fake profile. But I didn’t expect such uncouth language spoken
with hatred and rudeness from a venerable God. This is not the God of my dreams.”
“That is who I am on the outside. Do you want to see who I am on the inside?”
the voice said, opening the door of the cabin. It was Y speaking with a loud
thundering voice into the specially made audio-set.
“Don’t be surprised. I was selected for the
internship by the venerable God himself. This was my first assignment in having
a hands-on experience with spirituality.
I tried being a God, on The CEO’s command. You can try being a God too, by your own actions.” said Y.
X remained shell-shocked while walking on
the endless Penrose Staircase.
“You showed me your fake profile. This
is my fake profile, Friend.”
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